Christmas Contradiction

So many times in life we are faced with a contradiction of what we say we are and who we play out to be, I think it's just part of being human.

Take this holiday for instance. I just completed a post about not "wanting" so much anymore. While this is true, of course there are still material items I'd like and/or need.

First of all, I must confess that I am not much of a shopper anymore. So, when someone asks me what I want first thing that comes to mind is all the things I need - that I don't want to shop for...you know. Panties, sox, jeans, shirts, sweaters, the daily life crap that I neglect due to not wanting to shop. The things I need to replace or the gear I need to survive the Pacific Northwest winter! Or the household items like towels, sheets, pots n pans, boring I know, but see if I don't have to go out and look for it - well that is what makes it a gift!

Of course I have things I want, but often at this age the price tag is also uncomfortably high and I am embarrassed to mention it. Like my laptop that died, or the tv that we want to replace in the bedroom (because at this age, even with glasses who can read the closed captioning on a 18 incher), or my dining room set. These things are just too costly to ask for and mostly wants...not needs.

As far as collections, well for now I have none so to speak of. I woke up one day and they just seemed useless and silly to me. So, most of my teddy bears are gone. Probably the only thing I have amassed a multitude of is art supplies. I still want nice paint brushes and a ton of acrylic paints. Canvases. But honestly, I don't have time to devote to them, so I don't ask.

So, there in what I hope is a nut-shell is my human condition of the moment. Contradictory as ever, that is just me. I can live with that.

Not A "Wanter" So Much Anymore

Don't get me wrong, there are still things I covet. But, truly when I look at my life I have everything I need. Okay, there are some pairs of underwear that need replacing and I could use some new comfy work shoes but truly I have enough. I have a lot. People tell me I never ask for anything anymore, I'm not sure why that is but gradually the things I want aren't really "things" at all. Does that makes sense?

For instance, I want to be done with school, educated, gainfully and happily employed. To be where my brain and sense of humanity is required on a daily basis.

I'd like a new car and while mine is definitely lacking a few niceties right now, it still runs darn good. Besides, I just don't want a car payment. Period.

And, after watching our friend Lucy pack up everything that was needed and important to her for her move to France, well let's say I realize how much crap I have. She could only take 3 suitcases. Of course that includes clothes, shoes, and other daily necessities. Not to mention her Wii, camera, and phone. I lost count of the number of trash bags she filled with things that she felt only meant something to her, so they were tossed. It made me think. How much of my household is like that, how much of my "stuff" has any worth to anyone but me? What do I really need?

I go back to having what I truly need...with some wants still lingering. I come home to someone who can't wait to see me and who's arrival I still anticipate with a smile. I go to sleep feeling loved and wake up the same way.

There is plenty of food in our pantry and fridge. I suppose if there wasn't I could live "off the fat of the land," as my Dad would say, indefinitely.

I am able to attend classes and succeed when many are unable to due to cost or family obligations.

I live in a state I live with a view of Puget Sound and surrounding islands and mountains I get to enjoy daily.

I have friends I love and whom love me back. I have family I can count on for love and support.

I know these "things" sound pretty esoteric, but truly they are what makes me happy. Amazing what jumping off a cliff and onto a completely new horizon will do for your perspective, isn't it?

What do you want? What makes you happy? What are you hoping to find under your Christmas tree this year?

Loss Of Laptop = Loss of Blog (for a bit)

I just can't seem to make myself type well on April's keyboard. In fact, I hate it. Plus, she is on the computer and it is hers, and well okay I'll manage. So forgive me. Posts will be infrequent until new laptop arrives or self preservation (writing) is a must.

Who knows...what might be in store with free time galore!

May You Always Be Willing To Laugh At Yourself

Maybe If I Look at This Long Enough, I Will Remember How to Fall Asleep Again.

Skyping April

New Haircut n Color

Just Another Family Gathering

Laptop Error

Somewhere, somehow my laptop picked up a very nasty virus. After several attempts from my techno friends to debug it, it has now officially gone on the fritz.

No more laptop, not until I get a copy of Windows XP Home or a miracle happens. Which in turn means I am on April's computer (and she is the official puter Queen in this house hold) of which I can barely type of these days.

So, until further notice all blogging will be sketchy until laptop is repaired or replaced.

Maddness on Monday

Work today was not busy. Work today was filled with those special patrons we all know and don't love. I couldn't believe I was fortunate enough to have them all in my section during lunch.

I had the two brothers who always drink many, many beers and never, never ever leave more than two bucks. No matter what the tab is. They spend most of their lives out at sea on boat fishing for what ever is in season. Missing a few teeth and manners. Not so much beer today, as one of them was still hung over from the four day weekend. Hmmmm.

Fast forward the fishin' brothers through another 35 years. Two men who still insist on sneaking outside to smoke every time they visit the restaurant. Not a bad thing except four feet away from the glass doors IS NOT twenty five feet. Just because your cigarette is balled up in your hand and I can't see it does not mean you are not smoking.

I saved my favorite for last. Did you know the Queen of England was in town? Well, I think she was and she sat at one of MY tables. La, Dee, Fuckin', Da. Or at least she thought so. Honestly, I knew from the moment she walked in it was going to be interesting because the chip on her shoulder was bumping the ceiling it was so tall and her bad attitude took up the entire room. I just kept taking deep breaths and smiling. My friend Beth's mantra kept going through my mind, "Kill em' with kindness." I tried, I really did. She lived up to every bad expectation I had of her, and then some. I say this because after she ordered her drink while talking on her cell, trying to get me to comp some food (because last time it was over cooked), and just a snitty attitude in general she then tried to mess with my lively hood. She didn't even pay the check, her co-worker did. I could hear her questioning him on the amount of tip he left me. I heard her say she'd never left a tip that big on a lunch tab. I so wanted to walk over and say no, really hun you should leave double that amount, really.

The awesome thing and the funny thing is this; none of it got to me or bothered me. I just had to laugh. Obviously there was some Karmic message and today is a full moon. One can only hope tomorrow is filled with all the customers I enjoy.

Holidays

are still great but really they make me miss my family even more. Not to mention the way my mom and her sisters have always prepared Turkey dinner.

There is no Thanksgiving that is ever like the one you grew up experiencing. A house filled with my many (sometimes first, second, and third) cousins, my aunt, uncle, mom, various Grandma's, extended family, the privileged in-laws, and a collection boyfriends/girlfriends through the years. I don't recall any Thanksgiving table with less than ten or twelve of us around it. Thankfully over the years we've all managed to graduate from the kids table to the adult table.

Honestly, I think the amount of food that was provided could have fed a small village somewhere. Seriously. Here's what I can remember. The snacks or hors d'oeuvres these were meant to stave off your hunger, of course! Nuts, celery stuffed with cream cheese or peanut butter, carrots, sliced radishes, and dip. Chips and dip. Deviled eggs. Oh, and don't forget the homemade candy or boxes of See's. Okay, and we haven't even started dinner yet. Oy!!!

Dinner. Wow, dinner. As I've gotten older I tried to limit my choices to only those things I really loved and were only served at a holiday dinner. Turkey, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy (thanks for teaching me how to make some seriously delish gravy mom), homemade stuffing (no stove top for our family, ever!) are probably the top four choices. And then of course, comes all the rest of the side dishes. Salad, homemade ranch dressing, fruit salad, rolls, butter, green bean casserole, vermicelli (a noodle dish my mom started making some years back), and yams with enough butter to clog at least one artery topped with brown sugar and marshmallows. We always had a relish try with pickles and olives. A plate with cranberry sauce. I'm sure there is more quite honestly, but those are the things I can recall seeing every holiday meal.

Okay, so you have to imagine lining up behind your family members with your plate. You get to the counter top holding most of the above mentioned dishes and trying to get it all to fit on your plate. Mountains of mashed potatoes await you. Each and every dish painstakingly homemade for you to enjoy. Truly, it was always delicious.

Sitting around the dinner table, catching up with family, laughing at old stories or new ones, and just enjoying seeing everyone growing up. It has all happened so very quickly. It is truly shocking. I can still recall when my cousin Madison was the ONLY grandchild at the holiday dinner and he sat next to Grandpa Ray in his carrier just as happy as could be. He had to be 9 months old and just as cute as ever. Today he has graduated from high school and attending college. What???? Where did the last 18 years go??? Amazing to me.

Football was ALWAYS on the television . ALWAYS. The men ate and then watched (wink, wink...napped during) football games. While we girls cleaned up, divvy up, and preparing for the next round. Yes, you know it. Dessert!!

Pie, pie, and more pie. Pumpkin. Chocolate Cream Pie. Pecan Pie. Homemade Apple, care of my mom. Cheese Cake. Banana Cream Pie. This of course was and is separate from the cookies, bars, and candy. Oh, and don't forget the ice cream and whip cream to accompany the pie! I remember Sydney not wanting anything but a bowl of whip cream! Is there any wonder why we tend to gain weight around the holidays?

Okay, so this is just the food...next post, the family memories.

Jack's Ode to Staying Warm...Enjoy

When the Heatwave is unplugged, there is always a blanket to curl up underneath.

November 27, 2009

Somehow the days have all blended together and I had no idea what date it is anymore! So, forgive me the error.

Today is the day after Thanksgiving. Dinner was delicious, games were fun, and I really want to get a Wii! It was a blast to Snowboard on the Wii. Thanks to Sanya and Vic for dinner and entertainment.

Thankful ~ 25

Okay, so I skipped some days here. I have a good reason. My computer got a malware type bug and it took 3 days to get rid of it. Thankful for the girlfriend and friends who finally figured out what it was and were determined to get rid of it. It just kept reloading over and over...crazy stuff.

So now I have my laptop back and a tad bit of time so here I am. Yes, I should be studying but I'm too tired too.

I am thankful for the love and support of my mom. Thankful for my girl and her undying heart strings and tenderness. My friends, the rest of my family, my co-workers are the greatest gifts in my life.

I am also thankful that I'm NOT cooking tomorrow! Yahoo!!!!

Thankful ~ 20

End of the week. Big exam three is completed and got a solid B. I'm okay with that.

Home from house sitting and while the waterfall was amazing, there is no place like your own bed. Took a nice long nap today and hopefully my weeks worth of insomnia has ended.

This sums up today....

Thankful ~ 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18

After reviewing my previous post, it has dawned on me that I'd better get my mind wrapped around the next two and half chapters I'm being tested on this coming Wednesday. Have I mentioned my Micro Cell professor loves to write very difficult and tricky test questions? She does, in fact she rather delights in that very fact. So in light of that, until said test is accomplished next Wednesday (yes, it requires every bit of attention I can muster) here is my thankful list until test is complete...

~ Common sense, I possess. Does not always come on time, but is there when I choose to pay attention to it.

~ No snow. It is absolutely so cold out and inside our house...burrrrr. I love it, just not ready for the snow yet!

~New friends. Have been invited over to dinner by some girls I actually met at work, but they live across the alley from us. Yay to meeting new people!

~ Kitty's who box and play fight. As I type this I am being entertained by JackJack and Toupe. They are a hoot to watch and choose to annoy one another and play together almost everyday just to keep mama J laughing.

~ Pennies from Heaven. April paid my bills this last week. Hours are cut at work right now, business is slower, and money is tighter than ever. Thanks love.

~ A good old fashioned, very, very hot bath. Got home from work last night and my legs were aching bacon...nothing that a good soak didn't help (oh, and shot of vodka, ha!).

Thankful Post to Come - For Now...(Author experiencing a high volume of PMS which tends to intentisfy any emotion I have by a katrillion)

I seem to have lost the "Mo" for my "jo."

There are many things I know I need to deal with/handle/surrender to and for some reason my resistance seems to be at an all time high. I just don't wanna!!!

In some respects I know I am like every other woman out there who has had weight issues. I am short 5.2, I am over 45, and honestly dealing with too much weight has plagued me most of my life. Not just even my adult life...I can still remember having to diet as a girl in middle school, high school. I still remember the school nurse at Stowers Elementary who told me during a sixth grade weigh in, I weighed then what I would need to weigh for the rest of my life. I think it was somewhere right around 109 pounds. Maybe she was right, but can I tell you that was probably the last day of my life I ever weighed that again. Even when I had to lose weight for surgery at 18, I still only got down to 117.

For those of you that think I've given up, or forgotten, or don't realize I need to handle my food/weight issues, well I have not. How could I? I practically hate every picture of me that is taken. My hair no longer makes me happy, make up, or clothes. It is probably one of things that is first and foremost on my mind and yet it seems like there is nothing I can do to "get the ball rolling," again if you will.

I have found some great weight loss blogs, and I enjoy (okay, not always) reading through them but honestly, the thought of having to give all that attention to what I'm eating is enough to make me want to run screaming from the house. Really. I have enough to think about with work and school and life. And yet I know. I know. I do. I know it is a matter of surrender, that resistance will only increase the problem.

The funny thing is I love healthy foods. I just need to take more time to prepare them and eat them. I don't love exercise, but I do love the way it makes me feel. I indeed have become a certified couch potato. I know I spend too much time indoors, on the computer, in the library, etc... and it has lead to my 5.2 self wearing a tight size 18 pants. (In most cases-unless I'm shopping at the fat ladies store, where of course I still manage to fit in the smallest size they sell. How is it that that fact is NOT reassuring. Nor is the fact that my tops are now 2 sizes bigger because my waist line seems to have tripled since moving to the PNW.) Okay, ugh. Just frickin' ugh.

I rarely talk about this with anyone, because like anyone who has a addiction or some flaw they are stuck on I get tired of hearing about it. Especially if it has dominated their life for 30 plus years and they still continue to carry on with the same behavior. You either change it, or shut up about it (how bad is that for a lack of compassion for myself and others??) because truly no one wants to hear you or me whining about our lack of self control and discipline anymore.

I don't know why I felt the need to ramble on about this today. I guess I'm feeling more out of control about it than ever, and bad it about it as well. I'm just so tired of it, and yet... And the "and yet" part is where I am stuck.

I need to give in...not just to this but things like homework as well, as I actually have to pass my next exam and get a B in the class. God knows I don't want to have to repeat it, especially to the tune of $600 bucks. But like starting to eat right and exercise, I find myself totally resisting studying this week. Today I am sick of it, hmmmmmmm notice a theme here. Kinda of sick of lots of things...hence the disclaimer in my post title.

If you've managed to read this all the way to the end, bless your heart. Bless mine too, while we are at it.

Day 12 ~ Thankful

Sometimes I feel like there are not very many people like me in this world. People who believe we are all here to help one another, to encourage one another to our greatest good, to laugh, be kind, and enjoy one another - really to acknowledge one another and uplift one another. To make this world an easier place for one another and to help each other out when necessary.

I know it sounds hokey. I don't care. I know I'm not perfect at it, trust me. There is and will always be those I find impossible to love but it does not mean I will ever be a complete turd to them. Ever.

Today, I had the privilege of having coffee with someone like me. She is a co-worker and a sweetheart. She is feeling like being decent and nice person does not count, when rest assured I know it does. It always will, at least in my world. And today, my world got a little less lonely for one of the others who think like I do. Thank You.

November 11 ~ Thanks

Two words of thanks today. Two and Half years ago I met Ms. A. We celebrate 30 months together, and hopefully Two and Half years from now we will hit the big Five Year Mark. In all that has happened, the love we have found remains constant. In all the moments that life presents us both good and bad there is no one who has made them more special or been more supportive. Happy Anniversary hun.

Second word of thanks comes just because winter is here. It's cold outside, it's raining, it's cloudy....I Love It! For some reason, I don't seem to mind cooking as much when it is cold outside. In fact I get inspired. So today I tried a recipe for a healthier version of Baked Potato Soup. It was pretty yummy. I am thankful for a mother who gave me a love of homemade cooking!

Thankful ~ November 11

Escape. Escape. Escape. There are still times when I need to turn off my brain and escape. Tonight April and I rented Transformers II. Okay, while it is needlessly long, and Megan Fox is just too "porn star" pretty for me, and there is tons of violence, it did the trick-I escaped. We also have UP (which by the way does not come close captioned) and will watch it in the next couple of days.

For now, I'm onto the next escape, Sons of Anarchy!

(Oh, and next on our escape radar is Monsters vs. Aliens. Recommendations are welcome!)

Thankful for the escape.

N-R-G Thankful ~ November 9

Energy. Thank goodness I've got it. Monday is my longest day of the week. It started off like a rocket this morning with customers wanting service 10 minutes before we opened and ended with a lab on genetics at school.

One of the hardest things for me on Monday nights is to find the ability to wind down before wayyyyyyy late. I get in the mode and have a hard time finding the ability to slow down.

Today I am grateful for my get up and go!

Thankful ~ Day 8

Spent last night with friends. Laughing, talking, catching up, learning to play poker (ha!), and playing charades. Helped me feel normal again (not like a student!) and remember that you have to take a break. I really do forget that being social is essential to life. Having fun, being silly, laughing, and just enjoying my friends is something I am grateful to have in my life.

7th of November, Thankful

I have been plagued with insomnia to a higher degree more than usual lately. Even when I finally fall asleep, I am usually awake again some 4 hours later and unable to resume back to the state of lovely REM sleep.

But, in the way of twists here lies my gratitude. I almost always am able to fall back to sleep on the couch, some few hours later and manage to sleep the morning away. Sometimes, even half the day. Now, I am not saying this is the correct course of action for curing insomnia but sometimes any sleep is better than none. Trust me when I tell you this. I am a girl who needs her sleep.

So, here is to a schedule that allows me that indulgence and kudos to the sleep faeries who are kind enough to offer me a few hours of it now and then. Case in point, this morning when at 11:30 am April kindly woke me up and truly I felt as if I was so asleep I was the walking dead. I was just that dead asleep, finally.

November 6 ~ Thankful

I don't have too many actual "Fridays" if you will. I work almost every Saturday, but tomorrow I am off of work. I am grateful for two days off in a row. Woo-hoo, for Friday!

Thankful ~ Novemember 5

Cell Mitosis, go ahead taunt me. Today I'm thankful for a professor who is willing to sit down and walk me through the 5 phases and 3 sub phases of Interphase. Ah, yeah. It's big time fun in our house right now. Seriously.

Okay, stop reading this now unless you want to know the inner track of my thoughts today.

IP, MATC. In my brain, it's I Pee Matic. I know it's not what it says, but it's one way to help me remember the phases of mitosis. Not that anyone cares but me, but Interphase (G zero, G one, S phase, G two), Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase, Telophase, and Cytokinesis. Huh!

As dorky as it sounds, using pipe cleaners to represent Chromosomes through this process IS helpful. I won't bore you with the rest, but thanks again to Dr. Rene Kratz for her patience.

Thankful ~ Day 4

Right now, from where I'm sitting here is the thing I'm most thankful for;
Today is coming to an end, and tomorrow will start a new day. It's been a torturous one.

Day ~ Thankful for "This too shall pass".

Thankful ~ 3

The library here in Everett features a nice coffee cafe'. The barista, Katie is always pleasant (student as well), remembers me, and makes a damn good latte. In a way it makes up for all the homeless guys who hang out in the place all day!

I'm thankful for a nice quiet place to study that serves up delicious coffee. Simple but sometimes it's the little things that count the most.

Thankful ~ 2

Yes, fall is in the air. There is a crispness and coolness that only fall air holds and it is so refreshing. Tonight, I got out of class early enough to walk home. I love living close enough to school to be able to walk there or back when I'm so inspired. I should do it all of the time, but I don't. I sure enjoy my neighborhood with all of its charming old craftsman homes and colorful trees.

So todays thankful thought ~ is many fold. Thankful for the close walk to school. The nice neighborhood for which I live. And lastly, the exhilarating fall air to walk home in and clear my head in after another night of exams.

A Month's Worth of Thankful - 1

Thanksgiving is in 25 days. Thought I'd do a countdown of things I'm thankful for since sometimes with all the rushing around, it's easy to forget...

Just one a day, of course unless I get to the end of the month and realized I've forgotten something of importance.

1 ~ Someone who "gets" me, loves me, respects me, and supports me.

You are the best ever April.

Three Years and Two Days

I have lived in the state of Washington for exactly 3 years and 2 days. I arrived here permanently on October 30, 2006.

I love it here. I am still amazed at the beauty each and every time I'm out and about. I love the view I have of the sound. I love the seasons, and yes even the damn cold and the snow. It doesn't last long enough to become cumbersome. I like the people.

Since I've arrived my life has changed in a multitude of ways. Those changes have taken me from a very sad, depressed, and worried woman to one who is once again optimistic, hopeful, and happy. I have read that Washington is a place to live if you want healing. I can only speak for myself when I say, for me that is true. My heart, my mind, and my spirit have all come back to the me I love and somehow I feel even better and improved. Change does bring about new things, some of which we can never anticipate.

I still feel like a newbie here, but that's okay it just makes life more of an adventure!

One of my first neighbors, Lama Mama! Who never bit me or spit at me! Ha!

Happy Haunting

In This Age of Information....

Can You Wear Out Your Bootstraps????

What I want to do today...go back to bed, finish watching the Transformers movie (actually quite entertaining) and sleep and mope and feel sorry for myself. Really, that is all I want to do today.

Promps to get me here, the absolute worst score ever on a damn cell bio quiz just when I thought I was going to make it. I was maintaining a B. Was. Was. Was. And hours slashed at work. Four measly days this week, none at times we have been busy lately - great. So much for keeping April and I out of hotwater. Yes, I am depressed. Yes, I am. Sorry, I just feel worn down and sorry for myself.

But, will I completely give into this feeling - only for an hour. I'll let myself mope while I watch The View, eat my whole grain toast, and dream of years from now when I'm done with school. You see, I have too much to do today. I have to work at 5pm, I need to get my nails done (yes, I know a contradition with being broke, but damn I like having them!), and of course I have mucho studying to do because yes, there is another BIG exam on Monday that I would like to pass with a decent grade.

So, what am I going to do...you guessed it, once again I am going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and carry on.

Halloween Candy

When I was a kid we lived in track housing. A kazillion ticky tacky little houses and they all looked just the same. I think there were probably about 25 or so plus houses on each cul-de-sac and then somehow the builders who covered over the dairy farm managed to link about 5 successive tracks all together in my immediate neighborhood.

Talk about the way to score when you went trick or treating...oh my. I can recall coming home with so much candy. The pillow case I carried was more than half full. That's a whole lotta loot when your not even four feet tall. I can remember one year I had the hair brained idea to go on rollerskates. You know, the more ground covered, the more door bells rung, the bigger the amount of CANDY!

When I arrived home I can remember my parents letting me pour it all out onto the living room floor (okay, gross now when I think about that since it was covered avocado green shag carpet) and sifting through it. You know the categories, the good stuff (tootsie rolls, gum, jolly ranchers), the great stuff (Butterfingers, Mr. Goodbar, anything chocolate), and then the crap stuff. Funny, I had such a sweet tooth I can't recall thinking any of it was crap but I know I did pawn some stuff off for trade or I tossed it because I didn't like it. I can still see the respective heaps of candy we would have at the end of the night. Once sorted, the stuff deemed edible was put into a silly plastic pumpkin a set atop the fridge. This was meant as a means of control. Ha, good luck with that. My parents slept soundly and I was stealth like a thief in the kitchen back then. We were usually rationed down to one or two pieces a day but I wonder if my mom every actually figured out why the candy did not manage to last until mid-December.

Truly, it is amazing my teeth managed to stay in at all when I think of the amount of candy I consumed between Halloween and Valentines Day. Thank goodness for a mom who made sure I brushed my teeth!

Friday Foes

Very, very sore throat...raining the day away outside the house...called in sick. It's me, the covers, and sleep today. Oh and lets not forget the Biology book..oh yeah.

Just Had to Catch You Up on the Cutest Niece Ever....JayCee

Those eyes!

Her first taste of ceral...

Happy Baby

So Sweet

Lil' Camo girl is trying to sit up!

Wacky Wednesday

Woke up very, very, very late this morning. Dubbed today wacky Wednesday...I got ready and went to work with minutes to spare. Somehow the alarm I set on my cell phone failed to go off at the appropriate time. I left the house within 15 minutes of getting out of bed. Ha, ha, ha. Needless to say, I left the house with NO MAKEUP on what-so-ever, damp hair, and in a big ol' hurry. Had to go in since there was only one other co-worker and being late is not an option right now.
I wouldn't have won any beauty pageants today, but you know what it's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. I just smiled often and got my job done. Stayed out of trouble with the boss. As far as I'm concerned the day was a success!

When Words Fly

For many years I wrote. I wrote poems. I wrote in a journal. I just loved to write. Basically, I would tell you I almost had to - it's really how I get things out of my system. How I make sense of it all. Up until a few years ago I had all those journals from a very long time ago, as in Jr. High and High School Days.

About 11 years ago, I just stopped writing. Something in me shifted. Or dried up. Or just headed south. I don't really know what happened to the need or the words I only know they were no longer present.

Two days ago I was driving home from work and I saw the trees April and pilfered though late one night to add to our fall leaf collection. Those trees stood with the wind blazing through them almost half naked. I wondered if they were cold. I know it sounds strange...but the point I'm getting to is that whatever once was absent is back again. There in the minutes of a red light I composed a perfect poem, inspired by the amazing fall colors that were awash over the leaves. I didn't have a pen or paper, so the words escaped me. But that is not the point.

I felt a similar feeling again, today when I was watching April and realizing how integral she is to my life. I'm happy. I'm a bit surprised. I thankful.

Some inner homeostasis must finally be restored in my soul to have a voice I value so much return. It has to be a reflection of the peacefulness I feel. The sureness of my faith. The love my life is filled with today.

Whatever it was that whisked the words back into my heart ~ thank you.

It's Such a Werid Phenom...

... in this day and age to watch tv and see places that are known to me.

Tonight I watched Biggest Loser. Shay was one of the team members who was sent back home for a week. A blessing and a curse at this point in the game. This little girl arrived weighing almost 500 pounds. She is a very big girl. Low and behold, she and her husband live in Newport Beach. She works out at the gym I worked at as a massage therapist for 3 years. It is not the "gym rat" kind of gym if you know what I mean.

I'll tell you what, she get big props from me. To be in the mecca of thin, over blonde, breast implanted, almost porn star looking women and to still buck it up and head off to that specific gym...well, she has my utmost respect from me. To be big and brown and hold your held up and stick to it, well I'm so proud of her. I know it could not have been easy for her.

As for Newport, it looked just like I remember it. The inside of the gym has had a paint make over, but still the same ol' place.

As for Shay, I'm going to rooting for this brave girl every week.

Manic Monday

Just another....yes you must sing along with the un-haunting lyrics of the Bangles now that's it going to be replaying (April just thanked me for putting said song in her head!) in your brain for the next day or so.

Okay, first off went to bed Sunday night (ended up on the couch because I couldn't sleep) since at 9:15pm I took another quiz for my course. I have not ever had such a difficult time getting decent grades in something that I think I understand. Enough about that - I'm going to chalk it up to being enrolled in another science class. No more bitching I will just keep calm and carry on.

Good news on the work front, the slow spell ended officially today and we were back to normal business. Yes, I ran my ass off for 2 or 3 hours but gratefully so. I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to turn around now that it's gotten cooler and our extended summer seems to finally ended. Yeah, for today it did!

Onto class tonight, all I can say is that after 2 hours of lecture and 1 hour of lab it's over.

I got to arrive home to April and Maya. My goodhearted gf was willing to babysit for one of my favorite co-workers who was in a pinch tonight. Maya is an adorable three year old who was all snuggled up in the corner of the couch enthralled in Sponge Bob DVD's. We laughed over the Texas cartoon episode (since that is where Maya and her parents arrived from some months ago) and I got to remember what it's like to have a three year old around. Big fun. Halloween stickers, ballerina stickers, all to Maya's joy. She and April had already been to the park and dined on happy meals (she's a non pickle lover like April). She a rockin' kid with a great sense of humor. Her favorite thing to be right now is a kitty. When asked what that kitty looked like she told us it had pink and purple fur with pink paws, a black tail, and blue eyes. Her favorite color is pink. After discussing the commonality of our favorite color, we had to dissect the rest of the rainbow. I had to give her kudos since she was willing to defend brown and it's merits. Towards the end of the evening, just before mom and dads arrival she got into that sleepy but silly mode. Meowing at me, and nudging up one inch from my face with her eyes as wide open as possible then giggling like a small mad women. You have to love kids, they are just so there - censorship is non-existent. It's one of my favorite things about them and one of the reasons I'm so glad this very long Monday ended on a high note.

Stayed Tuned (Date with My Brain)

Have some new ideas for the blog that might make it possible for me to keep more current. Will see if I can find time today or in the next few days to start implementing.

It's Sunday. While I'd like to sit here on the couch most of the day and watch bad tv, read the Sunday paper, catch up on the blogs I love to read, snuggle with my girl and respective kitty cats, and watch football I will not. Instead I will skip the paper, most of bad tv, blog reading, and catch a tad bit of football because it's Sunday and I have a date with my brain.

On Sundays, I head to the library. It's me and two chapters of cellular biology today. I am learning I have to study the sciences a in a new way. As in over and over and over again. Cover the basic stuff until I puke basically.

It's okay, since there is a grade requirement for my end goal. At least this time I don't feel like I'm drowning like I did in Chemistry. In fact, I'm rather enjoying this class minus the lab writing and tricky test questions. That's not to say it's too hard, she's just a good professor who wants to extend our understanding to application. This fact makes exams more difficult. So, off I go to the solitude of the library.