Easy but Not Really

Even though I received my AA degree just 12years ago, much has changed with attending college since then.

For example, now you can register your textbooks on-line and are all kinds of quizzes, exams, diagrams, and extra lessons to help you succeed. You can take your computer to class if you like and just take notes on the power point program provided. I purchased a item called a "clicker" so I can take quizzes with the entire class (don't know why but these always make me nervous) from a the lecture screen. You can also record your instructor using a hand held device that requires no tapes, it's digital!!

Here is where the easy ended for me...this little device is so complicated I can't figure out how to program it. But, as evidenced from last quarter I totally need one (I tend to blank out in 3 hour lectures) because there is only so fast I can write notes. Yes, I got it to record and playback but that is all I have gotten it to do! Change the date, ha! Change the type of sensitivity, ha! Pick a new folder, ha! Okay, I give myself a week and then I'm selling this sucker for $50 bucks and seeing if I can find one for lunk heads (non-techies) like myself.

Swallow It

I realized something last night. One of my classmates was all giggly with excitement, I think I practically rolled my eyes right out of my head at that.

"Aren't you excited for Physiology?" she asked.

"Ah, no." And then it hit me, "I'm still too bitter about last quarter," I spit out with a bit of a laugh but I realized it was true.

I spoke with my professor from last quarter yesterday. I never received the self addressed stamped envelope I had given her to mail me with my grades on my lab exam and written final. I called to find out my grades on those, since I managed to miss a B by about 1.70%. Not happy, I repeat, not happy. I cannot tell you how many times she tried to assure me a C+ was a really good grade for her class and the material covered. IN WHAT UNIVERSE, IS A C+ A GOOD GRADE??? Especially when you know there is a very definite GPA requirement for the program I want entrance to attend.

I also realized that my new professor is her own woman (okay, even though she looks all of 18!) and this will be a totally different experience. Thank goodness.

48, yeah it's only a number but...

it is only two years away from being 50. OMG, how could that possibly be. I find it totally impossible to wrap my head around this fact.

The last birthday I had that was a tough one for me was 25. I don't know exactly why, but it hit me hard. I'm sure it had much to do with the fact that my friends were all getting married and having children and I had no such prospect in sight. I got over that years ago, and since then the birthdays have flown by, mostly unnoticed.

But this one, well it didn't exactly hurt - but man, time is sure closing in on 50 quick. Yikes!

Young, Unhealthy, Uncomfortable

Years ago, I sat next to my friend Sandy on the beach and enjoyed a sunny day. Her kids were there, along with hundreds of other families enjoying the beach on a perfect summer day in California.

As we sat in our chairs, chatting away, I couldn't help but notice all the lil' chubbers running around on the beach. I mentioned this to San, and she replied somewhere along the lines of, "Jame! How can you say that." My retort was something like, "Hey look, we might struggle with our weight now and even in high school but we were never fat little kids, ever!" It just broke my heart to see girls who were less than 5 years old running around with little fat boobies and little boys with huge bellies. This had to have happened some 15 to 18 years ago and it seems that today the young obese epidemic has only gotten worse.

I decided to tune in to Jamie Olivers Food Revolution (dvr, thank goodness!) on Friday night. I always liked him on the food channel. He began his cooking career at a very young age and has always promoted fresh foods and healthy eating.

This program is about Huntington, West Virginia and his impact on their food culture. This city was voted as having the worst health in our country, a statistic determined by its death rate. He has managed to help change the food provided at the schools in England, and the challenge is to bring that blessing to this town. The program begins there and we will see where it will lead. It will not be any easy shift in thinking. Pizza seems to be the general favorite, and the kids are reluctant to change. Not to mention the kitchen staff at the school. The only one who seems to be siding with Jamie is Pastor Steve from the local church who is losing his congregation to illness and death due to obesity. He is able to see the possibilities, where most are not.

So far, it looks like he is not winning them over to healthy eating. I am amazed at watching the clips how many children are heavy, and not just a few pounds but 30 to 50 pounds overweight. These children have similar habits to every elementary school kid I can recall during lunch, we ate what we wanted and tossed away the rest. No matter how good it was for us, no matter how expensive the cost, we didn't need to eat much - we were young, our bellies small. Besides, there was always a snack waiting for me at home if I was hungry later.

It breaks my heart to see fat kids. We all know how cruel children can be, and being fat, you might as well have a big ol' target on your back that says kick me. Emotional torment and self esteem aside, what about the health of a child who is fat. One of the issues raised by this new program is that medical experts feel that this is the first generation who most likely die younger than their parents. Their health is shot.

Tune in or look at the program on line (link above) and tell me what you think.

Spring Blooms ~ Enjoy!

In All Seriousness

Most of you that read my blog can see that I follow postsecret.blogspot.com/.

I know some of you read it as well. One of todays post is very serious as they sometimes are and while it is something I would not consider for myself, I can totally understand the feeling behind the secret. The secret is about suicide.

The month of March is when most college students commit suicide. After last quarter ended I walked away feeling discouraged, disappointed, and somewhat beaten down. I do not say this to whine, which I know I am prone to and apologize for my indulgence to do so. But truly, after only a week off for spring break the prospect of returning to school tomorrow night is almost more than I can consider. It is the reason I was awake until 1 am and am wake only 3 hours later, trust me.

This is the quarter you must look ahead to see what's left to take before you can move on or the steps you must complete in order to graduate. For many programs that begin in fall, it is already too late to apply or attempt admittance. The thought of attending summer school begins to loom in my mind. The fact that the pressure to bring up my GPA still exists, and it is another quarter of science in which I may or may not be able to accomplish this feat regardless of how many hours I study or how confident I feel.

Also, for the students who are away at school it is only months before they will be able to return home. I am sure there is the pressure of making your parents feel they are not wasting their money. The gift of answering that eternal questions everyone asks, "How much longer do you have?" one more time, politely, without screaming.

It's funny, sometimes it feels as if my fellow classmates and I share a certain shared experience that only we can relate to, akin to soldiers, if you will. Going home to share the experience of getting an education isn't always that easy. Yes, I do know some of my friends, fellow blog writers, and mentors went to college and share in many of the same experiences. Truly, it is the people who have sat next to me or at my lab table for the last 4 quarters who can relate best.

The pressure weather real or imagined is there for this adult college student. I can only hope that this quarter brings with it a better way to deal with it. I hope for an easier time of comprehending and recalling the vast of amount of material I have to digest in 11 weeks. I cross my fingers in hopes of a professor who is accessible and humane. Lastly, I hope for a spring where not one of my fellow students feels so overwhelmed as to consider taking their own life.

Take Me to the Water

and make me drink. I tell you something in me is sooooo dehydrated. I just can't seem to get back on track since school has been out for a week. I took a nap yesterday, went to bed at 8:30 pm was asleep by 9:00 pm and didn't wake up until the alarm went off at 7:50 am. Seriously? Unheard of for me.

I'm not exactly grumpy, but not feeling too friendly or social either. April is beside herself, because she has rarely seen me in this state.

Frankly, I think the last 11 weeks just about did me in. Major frustration, stress, and a general feeling like I just couldn't do enough to get the grades I'm used to earning.

Iron, sleep, fresh veggies and food, less coffee, social life, reading fiction, being out side, I've done some of all of these. But somehow the only thing that I seem to crave right now is solitude and sleep. Makes it interesting to try and fit in everything else that is required.

Baby Talk

Would someone please explain to me why grown women speak using baby talk. I truly don't understand it. Is it a call for attention? Has no one ever told them or confronted them? Do they just need a good speech therapist?

Whatever the reason, I find it hard to pay attention to what the woman is actually saying when I keep looking for a little girl or toddler. I find it difficult to give her any form of respect what so ever. The worst in me wants to do a Cher from Moonstruck and yell, "Snap out of it!"

Have you ever faced this annoyance? What did you do?

The Gluttony Buffet

This post won't make me popular, especially at home but I just feel compelled to say this. In no way do I feel ungrateful for my dinner out, I love to go out but...

I am at that point again, where nothing really sounds good to eat. Yes, of course once something is in my mouth it tastes good. Living in this world where really anything you desire to eat is available has spoiled my taste buds. Not to mention that I have been celebrating birthdays, entertaining, and stress eating from finals - I am fooded out. Truly, it would be so wonderful if, as humans, we only had to eat a few times a week. I am convinced that would be so much easier.

April and I went out to dinner tonight to the "Seafood Extravaganza Buffet," at the local Tulalip Casino. She was given a gift card many months ago, and we had been waiting for a free Tuesday night so we could enjoy the seafood together. This was my first Tuesday free since my classes began in fall.

Truly, I was looking forward to going for dinner. Yes, I have been dog ass tired in a way I find hard to explain but I still wanted to head out for dinner. I admit that some of my choices were not so delicious - the salmon dry, the salmon smoked pasta and little too smokey but other choices were divine. The shrimp cocktail delicious, the pasta Alfredo with shrimp as well and the small slice of lemon cheese cake was perfect.

But, here is the rub. I couldn't help but look around us and feel sad. Feel a huge sense of despair. Almost a feeling of wonder. Now this last fact probably makes you wonder what the heck I am talking about, right? Wonder that as fat people, how do we live in such a huge place of denial? As I looked around the room tonight, I realized I am not alone. In fact, it seems I have more company than I can believe. I think what really blows my mind is the fact that many of the people I noticed tonight outweighed me, not by a mere 20 or 50 pounds but a hundred or more. Some so big, their bellies infringed on their ability to sit close to the tables edge. Their clothes so big, they probably think I am "normal" or "thin," and trust me I am not.

The mere size of some of the other diners made it hard for me to focus. It was strange. Here we were eating and I felt like someone should stand up and shout, something like, "Don't take the car, you will kill yourself." But in this situation, it would be, "Don't pick up another plate, you are killing yourself." Sound too dramatic? Sorry.

I know most of this is my own number on the scale tugging at my conscious. But truly, we humans have become such gluttons. There is no arguing this point after my buffet dinner this evening.

Looking around the room tonight, I am not alone.

Cathartic

For some of us on this earth, writing it all out is cathartic. Some paint, some snap photos, some clean house, or talk on the phone but for me I write.

Time ticks by on the clock, and I know I really should be showered and ready for work, but still these words dance in my head like Devo and won't be still until I let them out on a page. Truly, the speed at which words will surface drives me nuts sometimes.

But, I am thankful for this release. Sad that I haven't had more time or taken more time to write lately. It does help me. It does keep those I miss and love updated as to who, what, and where is up with me.

So, I am off to work. And when I arrive home, it is my intention to sit down here and let it "flow," so to speak. My birthday gift to myself. Woo-hoo!

Jumping

I don't jump for joy often, I'd rather do a happy dance but....today on my way out to class I did a big jump because there is only one more meeting of my anatomy class! Ya-hoo! Honestly, I have never been more relived to have a course end.

Yes, it has been an overwhelming amount of information. More so than any class I think I've ever encountered. No it's not that difficult, as long as someone is willing to communicate the information in such a way you can dismantle it. But truly, this was a grueling 10 weeks and I am HAPPY it is almost over!!!!

No more smelly dead cats!

Springing Ahead Saturday

Clocks forward and time marches on....I am ready for a nice spring, spring break that is!!!

Go Away, Don't Bother Me

This is the general vibe my anatomy instructor gives off. She really does not like to be bothered with questions. Has a habit of talking down to you when she does help. Anyhow, I digress....when I walked up to ask for her help tonight as we were examining the anatomy models I happened to look at the computer screen she was using.

Reservations at a restaurant in Whistler. I hope she has a nice spring break.

Does that not say it all???

Cross Roads ~ Cross Hairs

Decision time. Or at least it feels like it is, for me.

I'm a year into taking the science courses for entrance to the nursing program. Most of you know this, as I feel like I've really dropped "off the radar" of life, so to speak.

There is a general vibe I keep picking up among students and nurses who are both working and working on getting into the field. It is not good, and this bothers me. Basically, what I've encountered so far is mostly negative. That those who started out earnest, eager, and sweet turn away from that and become what they have encountered along the way (even if they detested the treatment they had received). Now, it may seem like I'm speaking in circles - so I will say it plainly - experienced nurses and physicians tend to treat the new nurses like crap on the bottom of a shoe.

Yes, there is an effort out there to try and change this but it is a long time in coming.

So, far it seems that the instructors in the sciences want to do the same in order to "toughen you up," to prepare you. I've been told by insiders that the actual Nursing Program is WORSE in so far as the treatment I will receive.

Plain and simply, I am too old to put up with this bullshit. Bullshit is exactly what it is.

I am starting to think I need to find an avenue in Human Rights, because frankly playing the "game" of being a student and getting poor treatment sucks. Not to mention that no one deserves to be disrespected when they are trying so hard and sacrificing much.

While I opt for new angles, I have been thinking of Diagnostic Sonography Program. Dim lighting, holding someone's hand and assuring them you will help them figure out what's what, science, and reports. I like the idea of this. The list is much longer of course, but that sums it up for me.

There is only one hitch, and it is that a few of the pre resquite classes are NOT something I want to take. Second small hitch, there are only a few of these programs in Washington, none within a decent drive time from our home.

Luckily, I have another quarter to decide this since Physiology is required for either program. Eh, sometimes being an adult just sucks.

April's Balloon Ride...

While I spent another Sunday studying, April got to go up in a hot air balloon ride. Bob is a fellow electrician, and this was his 40th birthday gift for her. They were in Skagit County, about an hour north of us. It was a beautiful day!

A Sentimental Woman

April lost her mom years ago, she has kept come cards and mementos for sentimental reasons. This was her mom's signature on the inside of a sweet card she gave her.

As a way to mark her 40th, she went out and had this tattoo done while I was working Friday night.

While I may not have any tattoo's, I do so love this girl's heart. Sentimental as she is, and all.

Friday, but it's not Freaky

So, the birthday of my love is this coming Tuesday. It has been quite a while since we actually spent the weekend together (without me being consumed with reading, homework, studying) so my plan is to get as much accomplished today as possible; hence having the weekend free to live somewhat like a normie! You know, hang out, shop, maybe see a movie! What a concept - have a life!

She turns 40 on Tuesday, and much to my disappointment, I will be in school. Frankly, you just can't skip when there are only 10 weeks and 2 long sessions a week. Lucky for me, she understands.

I have some birthday surprises in store for her that I can't reveal here, but it will be fun to reveal the results of those soon!

Okay, So I Went

to class. It was just another experience I can only be thankful that there are only 5 more sessions of it! To quote Fred Flintstone, yab-daba-do!

One week off of school after finals and then back at it for Phis. Counting down the classes until I can get into the program and go for it!

I Don't Wanna..

...to go to school tonight! And that is that!

Day Off, Sorta Kinda, Not Really

Have to work at 4 pm. Have a few errands to do, wish I didn't. Really should be starting the new home work (study questions) but just don't want to think that much today. Really, big exam last night with another bunch of ambiguous questions - more frustration.

Three more weeks, that is my mantra right now. Then it's on to Phis. Oh boy!