Maddness on Monday

Work today was not busy. Work today was filled with those special patrons we all know and don't love. I couldn't believe I was fortunate enough to have them all in my section during lunch.

I had the two brothers who always drink many, many beers and never, never ever leave more than two bucks. No matter what the tab is. They spend most of their lives out at sea on boat fishing for what ever is in season. Missing a few teeth and manners. Not so much beer today, as one of them was still hung over from the four day weekend. Hmmmm.

Fast forward the fishin' brothers through another 35 years. Two men who still insist on sneaking outside to smoke every time they visit the restaurant. Not a bad thing except four feet away from the glass doors IS NOT twenty five feet. Just because your cigarette is balled up in your hand and I can't see it does not mean you are not smoking.

I saved my favorite for last. Did you know the Queen of England was in town? Well, I think she was and she sat at one of MY tables. La, Dee, Fuckin', Da. Or at least she thought so. Honestly, I knew from the moment she walked in it was going to be interesting because the chip on her shoulder was bumping the ceiling it was so tall and her bad attitude took up the entire room. I just kept taking deep breaths and smiling. My friend Beth's mantra kept going through my mind, "Kill em' with kindness." I tried, I really did. She lived up to every bad expectation I had of her, and then some. I say this because after she ordered her drink while talking on her cell, trying to get me to comp some food (because last time it was over cooked), and just a snitty attitude in general she then tried to mess with my lively hood. She didn't even pay the check, her co-worker did. I could hear her questioning him on the amount of tip he left me. I heard her say she'd never left a tip that big on a lunch tab. I so wanted to walk over and say no, really hun you should leave double that amount, really.

The awesome thing and the funny thing is this; none of it got to me or bothered me. I just had to laugh. Obviously there was some Karmic message and today is a full moon. One can only hope tomorrow is filled with all the customers I enjoy.