Withdrawal

Occasionally, I need to withdrawal from the living, speaking, needing, functioning of others. I mean I still have a bird with needs and demands not to mention the cats who all like to compete with the bird for attention.

Don't get me wrong, mostly I love people. They make me laugh. They are often kind and thoughtful. They are always funny to watch, some of us more so than others. I especially like the little version of us. So sweet and pure and real. Like the one that was in the high chair last week and each time I walked up to the table to serve his family he proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs in an aggressive manner. I did not enjoy that little version of us so much.

But seriously, I would say I am a "people" person. But, I find as I get older I need time away from the human race. I'm going to assume my need has increased due to my current employment. Waitressing does not bode well for seeing the best in people.

Even though I have the day away from the restaurant today, I still have obligations. Getting my hair done means listening to the very overly dramatic man who works next to my stylist. Driving there means dealing with humanity on the road. It means I need to be courteous and let others merge and such. Studying means finding the area of the library that perhaps may be quiet. You get the idea. Wherever we go, we are there. In all our humanness, each one of us.

Only today I rather be a puppy or a kitty and just look for friendly playmates who want to tussle then cuddle up and nap. No humanness required.

The Voice of My Thighs

So, if you read along you know I have finally surrendered and am trying to get my health and weight back on track.

For me, that means exercise. Yes, the joyous occasion where you dress accordingly, move around a lot, sweat, and then do it again, tomorrow. Oh the joy of it. Now while I've never really enjoyed exercising, I do love the way I feel afterwards. Not to mention the energy it gives me and the results it produces. Today, instead of walking I decided to do some Wii.

Okay, the Wii has a voice that guides you, encourages you, and gives criticism ~ in the nicest way possible. Once I was warmed up, the squats began. About half way through the set I hear, "Your thighs will thank you later for this."

For some reason, that just struck me as funny today.It made me laugh. I began to ponder all the things we do to ourselves that impact our bodies. And just what our bodies (and its parts) would say to us while we are effecting it.

Venti, white mocha, quad shot, extra sweet...can you hear your bodies response? Your heart, "Hey thanks for speeding me up!" Your adrenal glands, "Yeah, me too!" Your esophagus, "Look out here comes the heartburn." Not to mention, your waistline, "What, are you kidding me, were going up in size again!"

And yes, someday I do hope my thighs thank me. Thank me very much.

Crazy Diet People

One of the things I hate about dieting is that it feels like my life takes on this turn and right before my very eyes I turn into one of those "crazy diet" people. You know who I am talking about, they write books, talk insessently about what they ate down to the last detail, and let you know how much they have been exercising.

I only know this from experience. In my own life, every time I have had successful weight loss I have become one of them!!! Ah, and now that I feel committed, not too mention a sense of surrender I dread she's coming back. Why, you ask? Well, for one I spent actual time on my lap top looking up calories and fat count for eggs with and without egg whites (entire egg not always the best choice when limiting fat). She there she goes adding a comment to advise on diet!! Ahh! But truly, I need to start keeping track of what I eat. Honestly, my eating can run completely out of control in no time. Did you watch Daris on Biggest Loser last night? I mean the guy has busted his ass for 5 months (lost over a 100 pounds, who does that in 5 months???), and his "crazy diet" person within totally lost it. What, running all day and staying up binging all night??? Me to a lesser extreme, and without the amazing weight loss prior.

Like him, I handle stress and emotions with food. I always have, perhaps I won't always but I am aware it is my crutch if you will. Much like the alcoholic, drug at addict, and drama queen it's where I go when in pain.

Yes, I am thinking of starting a separate blog to find support and encouragement for weight loss on line. Yes, if you are interested I will let you know. Right now, just writing about it daily and and storing it away somewhere private.

I don't want to be bore you with the details. Some of you (most of you) actually have normal eating habits, lucky you.

How do I find a way to do this without driving myself nuts and everyone around me? I don't see the way but I know damn well this old adage...where there is a will, there is a way!

That Said...

So, what is out of your comfort zone? What new things are you willing to try? What things can I do to get out of my own comfort zone? Would taking those steps lead to success, finding out something new about myself, or a new passion? Made me think, how about you?

Thanks to...

a few people in my daily life and one in my blog life (I don't even think we've officially met, except for FB) I have to say, well, I feel inspired.

For what, you might ask??? Take on something new, another commitment, more to focus upon? Well, yes in a round about way I suppose so, but here's the rub. The Anti-Jared Blog and my co-worker Sarah have brought me back around to something...I NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT.

You know, I could make a list of all the reasons why. Though for the most part, they are pretty obvious. I look at myself in the mirror or try to wear something I wore just last year and I hate the way it looks on me today. Of course, health, history, stamina, and all that jazz. Not to mention the category I've been in officially for sometime at the official doctor's office. OBESE. Just sounds bad.

Here's what I think. God puts people in your life for a reason. At a certain time, in a certain place, and a certain way. I have watched Sarah loose 50 pounds since February and she is rockin' it. Yes, she has had some tough days but overall I think she would be the first to tell you she feels awesome.

I found this blog http://theantijared.blogspot.com/ among some others I really enjoy. But, for the first time in a very long time, I feel somewhat inspired. Maybe it's him loosing over 200 pounds (holy crap!). Maybe it's Sarah and seeing her everyday and recalling how good it feels to loose the weight. I don't know, I just know it's time to get at it again.

And yes, tomorrow is Monday. Let'er rip and let's see how I do! And yes, I do have a plan of attack!

Oh and NO, that is not me in the photo only what I fear I'm veering way to close too these days.

Just When

I thought there was some light at the end of the tunnel the another train came barreling through and ran me down.

Seriously, why are the women at the admissions desk so, uh you know, absolutely dreadful. So, I go skipping up to the desk today wondering why I couldn't register for my fall Physics class. Since it has happened before that I actually have the prereq's they just don't show on this colleges end. So, I figured this was the same as before but nnnnoooooooooo!

Wrong! After so unkindly pointing out to me that I had a choice of 3 math courses I needed to take before I could get into Physics (all trigonometry/pre-calcus related I might add) she dismissed me. WHAT??? WHAT????WTF??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME I HAVE MORE, MORE, MORE MATH REQUIREMENTS TO TAKE?

Ok, so I freaked out for the rest of the afternoon. No kidding, I did. Because what it means is this, more time before I can enter the program. More money. And, it adds more time to the time where I feel like I have no life! Yes, NO LIFE! AND HONESTLY, TODAY I AM SICK AND TIRED OF NOT HAVING ONE.OF TAKING SO MUCH TIME AWAY FROM MY RELATIONSHIP. OF BEING BROKE. OF NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD TO TRAVEL AND SEE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. OF DRIVING MY POOR BEAT UP CAR. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Can you tell I am in need of summer break? Oh, summer, sweet summer you can not get here soon enough.

Delay

So, most of you know because of Facebook I did it. I had my hair all cut off! Now, while I like it, part of me thinks I've lost my mind. My long hair looked so good, felt so sexy, and yet. It was just time for a change. It was, it was. I was tired of being sweaty pony tail girl 5 days a week (work look). I just felt old and ugly with my hair like that. Now, not so much.

Wow, I Feel Old This Morning

For some reason there are days when I wake up and just feel old. I ache. My head is all stuffy. I need my glasses to see three feet away from my own face. My motivation level has gone missing...but I also know this; given a good nights sleep, or a long walk, or an hour with my sweetheart those weary feelings disappear.

What's your key to feeling young, vital, and alive? Do share...

p.s. I'm sitting crossed legged on the couch as I write this post. Our silly bird is wandering around on the couch keeping me company. He is now trying to clean my big toenail. Did I mention laughter helps as well???