Christmas Contradiction

So many times in life we are faced with a contradiction of what we say we are and who we play out to be, I think it's just part of being human.

Take this holiday for instance. I just completed a post about not "wanting" so much anymore. While this is true, of course there are still material items I'd like and/or need.

First of all, I must confess that I am not much of a shopper anymore. So, when someone asks me what I want first thing that comes to mind is all the things I need - that I don't want to shop for...you know. Panties, sox, jeans, shirts, sweaters, the daily life crap that I neglect due to not wanting to shop. The things I need to replace or the gear I need to survive the Pacific Northwest winter! Or the household items like towels, sheets, pots n pans, boring I know, but see if I don't have to go out and look for it - well that is what makes it a gift!

Of course I have things I want, but often at this age the price tag is also uncomfortably high and I am embarrassed to mention it. Like my laptop that died, or the tv that we want to replace in the bedroom (because at this age, even with glasses who can read the closed captioning on a 18 incher), or my dining room set. These things are just too costly to ask for and mostly wants...not needs.

As far as collections, well for now I have none so to speak of. I woke up one day and they just seemed useless and silly to me. So, most of my teddy bears are gone. Probably the only thing I have amassed a multitude of is art supplies. I still want nice paint brushes and a ton of acrylic paints. Canvases. But honestly, I don't have time to devote to them, so I don't ask.

So, there in what I hope is a nut-shell is my human condition of the moment. Contradictory as ever, that is just me. I can live with that.