Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas Contradiction

So many times in life we are faced with a contradiction of what we say we are and who we play out to be, I think it's just part of being human.

Take this holiday for instance. I just completed a post about not "wanting" so much anymore. While this is true, of course there are still material items I'd like and/or need.

First of all, I must confess that I am not much of a shopper anymore. So, when someone asks me what I want first thing that comes to mind is all the things I need - that I don't want to shop for...you know. Panties, sox, jeans, shirts, sweaters, the daily life crap that I neglect due to not wanting to shop. The things I need to replace or the gear I need to survive the Pacific Northwest winter! Or the household items like towels, sheets, pots n pans, boring I know, but see if I don't have to go out and look for it - well that is what makes it a gift!

Of course I have things I want, but often at this age the price tag is also uncomfortably high and I am embarrassed to mention it. Like my laptop that died, or the tv that we want to replace in the bedroom (because at this age, even with glasses who can read the closed captioning on a 18 incher), or my dining room set. These things are just too costly to ask for and mostly wants...not needs.

As far as collections, well for now I have none so to speak of. I woke up one day and they just seemed useless and silly to me. So, most of my teddy bears are gone. Probably the only thing I have amassed a multitude of is art supplies. I still want nice paint brushes and a ton of acrylic paints. Canvases. But honestly, I don't have time to devote to them, so I don't ask.

So, there in what I hope is a nut-shell is my human condition of the moment. Contradictory as ever, that is just me. I can live with that.

Not A "Wanter" So Much Anymore

Don't get me wrong, there are still things I covet. But, truly when I look at my life I have everything I need. Okay, there are some pairs of underwear that need replacing and I could use some new comfy work shoes but truly I have enough. I have a lot. People tell me I never ask for anything anymore, I'm not sure why that is but gradually the things I want aren't really "things" at all. Does that makes sense?

For instance, I want to be done with school, educated, gainfully and happily employed. To be where my brain and sense of humanity is required on a daily basis.

I'd like a new car and while mine is definitely lacking a few niceties right now, it still runs darn good. Besides, I just don't want a car payment. Period.

And, after watching our friend Lucy pack up everything that was needed and important to her for her move to France, well let's say I realize how much crap I have. She could only take 3 suitcases. Of course that includes clothes, shoes, and other daily necessities. Not to mention her Wii, camera, and phone. I lost count of the number of trash bags she filled with things that she felt only meant something to her, so they were tossed. It made me think. How much of my household is like that, how much of my "stuff" has any worth to anyone but me? What do I really need?

I go back to having what I truly need...with some wants still lingering. I come home to someone who can't wait to see me and who's arrival I still anticipate with a smile. I go to sleep feeling loved and wake up the same way.

There is plenty of food in our pantry and fridge. I suppose if there wasn't I could live "off the fat of the land," as my Dad would say, indefinitely.

I am able to attend classes and succeed when many are unable to due to cost or family obligations.

I live in a state I live with a view of Puget Sound and surrounding islands and mountains I get to enjoy daily.

I have friends I love and whom love me back. I have family I can count on for love and support.

I know these "things" sound pretty esoteric, but truly they are what makes me happy. Amazing what jumping off a cliff and onto a completely new horizon will do for your perspective, isn't it?

What do you want? What makes you happy? What are you hoping to find under your Christmas tree this year?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Loss Of Laptop = Loss of Blog (for a bit)

I just can't seem to make myself type well on April's keyboard. In fact, I hate it. Plus, she is on the computer and it is hers, and well okay I'll manage. So forgive me. Posts will be infrequent until new laptop arrives or self preservation (writing) is a must.

Who knows...what might be in store with free time galore!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

May You Always Be Willing To Laugh At Yourself

Maybe If I Look at This Long Enough, I Will Remember How to Fall Asleep Again.

Skyping April

New Haircut n Color

Just Another Family Gathering

Laptop Error

Somewhere, somehow my laptop picked up a very nasty virus. After several attempts from my techno friends to debug it, it has now officially gone on the fritz.

No more laptop, not until I get a copy of Windows XP Home or a miracle happens. Which in turn means I am on April's computer (and she is the official puter Queen in this house hold) of which I can barely type of these days.

So, until further notice all blogging will be sketchy until laptop is repaired or replaced.