Onto Something

Did you ever feel you were so close to something but still couldn't quite see it clearly?

That is where I am at today. I have really been struggling with school, most specifically because it is extremely difficult information (most will say microbiology is). In addition, quarters are only 12 weeks so you have to study all this information at break neck speed. I always end up feeling like I have no life. I don't have time for one if I want to pass these science classes and I hate that!

So, the reason I feel like I'm onto something is that I am wondering if I am going about this all wrong. I am so determined to get an education and real job, it really has taken me away from all the things I love. How will it be when I am actually doing that job? Will I feel the same?

What if I just started allowing myself to write more (as in everyday)? I love to write. I love giving voice to an idea. Expressing what is true for me. Saying something in my own way, with my own twist. What if I started trying to get published like I dream of? Do art. I can't even remember the last time I created anything physically, other than writing.

I just know I feel miserable and am not happy right now, but sadly I am the one who put myself in this position. I am the one who decided to try and get through the classes I so struggle with.

This all started with a women who I follow on Facebook who works with women and food addiction. Her name is Geneen Roth. Funny thing is a dear friend told me about her at least 10 years ago but I think I am finally ready to hear her.

This is the quote that got me thinking;

"Freedom from obsession is not about something you do; it's about knowing who you are. It's about recognizing what sustains you and what exhausts you. What you love and what you think you love because you can't have it.," Geneen Roth.

Right now, I feel like my work, my studies, everything but my relationship I find, exhausts me.

What to do, what to do.