A Bit Numb

Forgive me, but I just have to say this...AHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm tired (work and school today). I'm worried (which I don't usually do). I'm stressed. I'm not even able to really concentrate.

April is spending the night in the hospital. She was having chest pains, in her words she was feeling "like someone took a meat hook through her sternum," and "someone is sitting on my chest." Shit, crap, fuck, and any other words you want to add. This is not good.

Of course, my first thought is completely selfish. I have finally found someone who I adore, who I can't imagine my life without her in it, and I love deeply. What would I do without her?

But, then I finally get to the hospital and there she is. She looks wiped out, but good. She still has color in her face, she does not look MI grey. Thank goodness. I have so far remained calm, but once I put down my bag and go to her side I burst into tears. I do so love this woman. She tries to put on a brave front, but eventually it fades.

She is scared too.

So, far they don't really know what it is. She is doped up on morphine and given nitro (which I thought made her feel better, but didn't last for long, which I find relief in). It appears it is a toss up between heart issues and gall bladder. Hopefully we will know more tomorrow morning, after more lab tests and stress test.

I am sitting here at home, feeling numb. I'm going to try and sleep and pray that tomorrow brings good news and April back home to me.