Coming Out, Again and Again and Again

One of the hardest things about changing your life mid way through is the challenge you face when catching up all of people who have been it for a long time.

So, before you question me about the mid way through...yes, I'm 47...if this is the half way point, I am quite fine with that. That would put me at about 94 when I leave the face of this planet and that is just dandy with me. Now that I've set that point straight, (pun intended) let me explain myself.

It has not been difficult to tell people about April and I. Everyone who knows me and loves me is happy that I am happy. And truly, happy on most days is an understatement. Our relationship is the bomb. Her love for me has moved me in ways I thought were impossible. It has reached places in my heart that I thought were lost. I am one lucky woman, and say so on a regular basis. It's so awesome to be with someone who "gets you" and still likes and loves you.

So, romantic blessings aside I have found myself unsure of what to say to certain friends. Time has passed. I've moved away. We are more distant. I felt bad, but still just wasn't willing to tell them. And in case you are wondering why a good friend would feel this way, it goes something like this in my head:

"I feel so bad that we never talk, and they don't know about my blog but...I don't want to make them uncomfortable. After all she is a born again christian and pretty staunch in her beliefs. Do I risk loosing the friendship by being judged? Especially when this friend (whom is a representation of many of the situations and friends I've faced) has said derogatory things about women being gay or that they "just don't get it." That's pretty much how it goes for me.

Okay, now forgive me but while I know we are friends we all have our boundaries and limits. Truly, I never stopped wanting to disclose everything, it just seemed easier for both of us if I didn't.

Turns out I am wrong. Over the last several months I have had to re access this situation. Especially with Facebook. I'm on it, I use it. Now, while I have no problem ignoring people who I barely knew in high school it is different with friends. Especially those I have kept at a safe distance for the last several years. I'm quiet sure they wondered what is up with me, since I am not one to keep my love life under wraps. Well, it turns out not only have they wondered what is up with me, but why I've been so distant. Wondering what they did to cause this distance. Nothing, really it's just me trying to keep everyone happy and it backfired.

So, please accept this apology if you were one of the ones I've never sat down and personally told before you read this blog (mostly cousins I think). I just had my reasons and didn't want a possible lecture. And as for those you dear friends who felt like you caused my hesitation just know that I'm so glad you know and love me anyways.

I joke that I'm gay by proxy (I just happened to fall in love with April) but that's not really true. But that is another post entirely.