The Hunger

So this thing called perio-menopause or menopause or whatever the heck is going on with my hormones is starting to concern me.

If you are a woman and reading this you will know the hunger of which I speak. Usually the day before my period starts I am hungry. Not just like hungry in between meals, but as in I feel as if I could eat a side a beef with chocolate for dessert. I feel like I just can't get enough to eat, enough to feel full. Satiated.

It is the 12th of the month. I should have started my period around the end of last month. I am not pregnant. Not, not, not. FOR THE THE LAST WEEK AND A HALF I have been hungry like I am the day before my period. I just want to eat. Even when my brain knows my stomach can't possibly be empty my hand still wants to bring food to my mouth. This is awful. It cannot continue. I will become bigger than a house if it does. That is no laughing matter.

I want to know, is this part of the hormonal change or have I just lost my mind. Who do you ask a question like that of???

Something New

I started something new today and I was in training this morning. I didn't exactly feel like I had landed on Mars since the life forms were familiar but it was still all new territory for me.

I thought I would feel nervous but I was wrong. I thought I would be intimidated but I wasn't. I thought I might get lost in the huge building but I didn't. In fact, I felt quite at home in this new universe. That fact surprised me.

My trainer was a gentle old soul with a wiry sense of humor. I followed her all around to learn the ropes, meet the nurses, and figure out where the boards are. Pre-op, post-op, surgery wait, surgery sign out book were some of the places we rolled around too during my four hour tour. Surgeons unknown to me came in and out of surgery wait to speak to families. Some know for the kind manner some known for other manners entirely.

I am a new volunteer in surgery wait. Badge n' all. It even opens up the locked doors, woo-hoo! Sounds simple, but truly I found out there is much more to it than I anticipated. Rooms, stations, patients, hippa, nurses, doctors, families, short stays, up-dates,boards, communication, and more families. Another learning curve, but I am looking forward to this one!

Things That Stick

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.

There's no time limit, stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.

We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you're proud of.

If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

This quote is from the end of Benjamin Button. I came home from work and April was watching the film. I remember enjoying it the first time through and sat down to enjoy the last hour of it again. It is such a different way to live life, going from very old to new born. If you have not watched it, that will make no sense at all. I highly suggest take a quiet evening and treat your self to a tale. I love movies with narration and good story telling and this has them both.

I am so thankful that at 49 years old, I can still feel this way (most days!). It reminds me to disregard the naysayers. The people who shake their heads, who tease me, who just don't understand. There are still so many things I want to do, be, accomplish and be astounded by.

Officially Older Than...

I care to admit!!! Age is a strange thing. I really never gave it much thought until I actually stopped passing for much younger than I am. That began to happen along side of being in a bad marriage. Funny how stress can effect us in ways we never thought of.

Then there is the sun. I grew up, sun kissed. Sometimes, often times, sun burnt. My little nose burnt and peeling more times than I could possibly recall. I am blessed with a smattering of freckles to prove it. As I've gotten older the residual of sun rays has transformed from freckles to moles and in some cases barnacles! (I swear that's what they look and feel like!)

There are the physical effects of aging, and other than my skin changing I really can't complain too much. I long for knees that don't creak when I walk upstairs but at least they still work and don't hurt. I am still hopeful that someday soon my period will forever cease, won't that be wonderful! An up side to getting older!

And speaking of the upside, there is the obvious I'm still here. Alive. A chance, a million, zillion little chances everyday to live. To do it well. Make a difference. Make someone smile. Make myself smile. Participate. Create. Love. Be. Isn't that what it really comes down to?

The number of years is only a bi product of getting to be in this fabulous universe just one more day. Today I think I'll take the trade.

Birthday Goobers

We celebrated April's 41st birthday yesterday...we headed out to Archie Mcphee yesterday for some laughs and shopping. You know for those very necessary things like Jesus band aids, squirrel underpants, and April's very own toy paparazzi collection. They are mobbing her as I type on her PC. Very funny. Of course, we had to try out the photo booth, Elvis sunglasses and fake cigarette in tow. Whadya' think?

My other Favorite Blog

The first blog I look at each day is http://elemenop123.blogspot.com/. I just love it. There always words of inspiration and art. Lots and lots and lots of art. Every kind of art you can imagine and some you can't. Like this sculpture made out of books, awesome.

Or funky house sculpture...

Or amazing oil paintings...

Or pictures made from maps, like this one...

Or globes, that make me want to buy them!

Or photographs that inspire me to travel...

This blog is so loved by me because not only is there art that is traditional, there is quirky, unusual, and pieces made of things one would never think could be used as a medium. This blogger is so good that she posts the names of the artist along with their web sites. A great place to go and explore.

On top of all this visual wonderfulness there is a daily quote posted. Words to live by, many of which I've re-posted here because I love them so. I am a die hard for words and art.

Pen is Mightier and Can be More Painful than the Sword.

I don't know about you, but I am aware of who reads my blog. That being said, is one reason I have been so silent here. While I want to mull over my thoughts in writing, look for feed back from familiar souls, I am unable to for fear it will cause harm. I don't want to hurt the feelings of those I love. Maybe time for an anonymous blog where I can fearlessly say what I think? Maybe so.

I wonder how those who write for a living deal with this issue. They say to write what you know, and in this case I would be writing about situations that are known to me and how the make me feel. Truly, in this case reality is more surprising than fiction. The funny thing it is not one only one situation, but many. The topics deal with social behaviors, addictions, child rearing, marriage, divorce, infidelity, family relationships, self esteem, sanity or lack there of, and aging. Most of which I know about first hand and in close observation. What to do, what to do. What would you do? Do you think there are spiritual ramifications when you spill your heart out all over paper?